maybe its a lie

that i dont wish to achieve anything in my life. that i dont wish for accomplishments.

(maybe) im afraid of raising the expectations i have for myself because i dont want to risk being disappointed. I feel happy living for the moment, not having to worry about missing my targets or to brood over failure. Maybe its because i havent achieved anything great in this 18 years that i cant understand the joy of accomplishment, and am somewhat contented with my life right now. I dont feel the need to be competitive. I dont like to be out there, testing my limits or fighting for glory and fame, but it JUST occurred to me what a meaningless life im leading. When friends are pushing themselves to reach their goals, or picking themselves up after the fall. When the most effective motivational videos dont inspire me at all. When the news of having the team disbanded didnt affect me like i thought it would.

Everyone has a purpose in life but i dont. I havent figured out what i want to do with my life yet. Even if i were to ask myself what i really want now, i know i wont have an answer. I've been living like this for too long i cant even figure out where my passion lies or what i truly desire.