confidence?

woke up this morning feeling shitty. Thought i wouldnt blog about this if i felt better by now, but a candid photo taken this evening just made me feel worse. Before i went to bed last night i looked in the mirror and was appalled by what i saw. I looked so bad. Then i dreamt that a guy told me not to wear jeans anymore because i didnt look good in it. Some of them always tell me to have confidence in myself, but to me, self-confidence equates to self-deceit. Self-confidence always comes with a certain level of ability. I know where i stand. Believing isnt going to get me anywhere. You dont see a fish having confidence in flying, or a bird in swimming. Some things cant change no matter how hard you try. Not even if i starve for a month and work out everyday. Some flaws are permanent, and all i can do is envy those slim, pretty girls out there and then feel sad for myself. I try to tell myself its ok because i have things to be thankful for, like a loving family and loyal friends, but then its only human's nature to desire more. Sometimes i wish i had a special talent, or is extremely good in a certain area such that ppl could overlook my physical flaws and appreciate me more.