stress lvl rising

sch's starting tmr and i alr know whats it gna be like: lagging in lectures, copying notes from friends, staying in sch to catch up on work. basically i am back to being a mugger. march holidays ended just like that, but its awesome how i didnt even have to open my file or look at any academic stuffs once in this 7 days. this is what i call a REAL break and a REAL holiday (having trainings everyday in the week didnt spoil the fun i was supposed to have i swear). i nvr expected to spend the last day of my holiday lepaking with an old friend i thought i would nvr meet up with again.

this is probably the last, (not very)long break we will all have until after A's. 165 more days to A's and that is scaring me. Not like i would start mugging my ass off from now but it is really making me feel nervous alr. how do i even finish studying when we havent completed out syllabus by now? oh well but i did it once, and i believe i can do this again. i've always been lucky when it comes to studies right? :)

much more than exam stress, im actually feeling the jitters for seasons. no dsa players, no appeals, no seniors. we are the ones who are to bring the team into top4. it is expected of me to play well and contribute during the matches, but im worried i cant do it. for 5 years i;ve been hiding behind the shadows of my teammates. letting me play the starting 5 in my secondary sch was a mistake by my previous coach. i know it too well. i cant perform up to my usual standard and i cant break the defence 1 on1. i may be more experienced and better than my juniors, but i know im not good enough. im not good enough, yet there's no choice but to use me. it is so pressurizing because im expected to do things im not capable of. there's this barrier that i just cant get past. im left with 3 weeks. i dont want to disappoint coach and the team. i am very very very scared.