end of seasons

we lost the match against njc today, but everyone was quite ok with it. i guess we all really tried our best, i saw how hard everyone fought. although we didnt make it to the next round, im just glad i met my own targets and most importantly, i see a changed me.

i was always afraid of responsibilities and pressure, and all i asked for was to hide behind the shadows of others and quietly support them. because i dont believe in myself, i dont want to put pressure on myself and i dont want to implicate others because of my actions. i've nvr wanted to determine the outcome of something that involves more than just me.

i've nvr wanted to be one of the main players of a team. but through this season, i guess partly due to forced circumstances and the fighting spirit my team had, all that was in my mind was to improve, play well and bring up the team. i was actually honoured to shoulder this responsibilty along with the other seniors. this team has really changed me alot. in the past, under the same circumstances, i know i'd probably be telling myself that its ok to fall behind because i still have the other 4 ppl on court to cover my mistakes. It's different this time. true enough i felt it was a heavy responsibility and i was actually quite stressed about seasons because i wanted to be a contributing player so badly. but i felt all this was worth it. maybe i should have realised earlier how great this sense of belonging and worth felt, to bravely take on this responsibility and not avoid it. i put in more effort than i would otherwise have, and although we didnt get through, this feeling of emerging almost victorious from a "war" was much more than what i thought. although i had a part in determining the loss of a game, i had too, in determining a win. and i've nvr ever thought the latter would outweigh the former. if only i could've had this mindset earlier, maybe we would have more achievements in cch.i dont know how to put my feelings into words exactly, but to players out there that are like me, u really have to face the responsibilities and believe, and when u've actually done so would u understand this awesome feeling im having right now.

after all this, the biggest reward, besides the strong friendship within the team, was how much my stubborn mindset changed for the better. i think, just maybe, i've gained some traits of a leader.