wake

attended the first funeral this evening. i never knew someone's death could affect me this much, someone who isnt directly related to me. i thought i could handle it well. i thought i could be there to give some moral support to my friend, but i was the one who ended up tearing away when she told us the story. im beginning to have doubts about my emotional strength, maybe im just weak, maybe im just someone who can crumble that easily. i always claim i had weak tear ducts, and always cry not because i got too emotional but because i couldnt hold tears back. maybe everyone's like this, but they're strong enough to hold their feelings back.

this girl, is really strong. it has only been a day but i see her smiling, doing her best to act normal and all. i dont think i can even find the strength to if something like this were to happen. she asked us, whats the meaning of life to us. it really got me thinking. the question made me feel her pain even more. she must've been so deeply hurt if she had to ponder about this question.

wished i could do more for her. this girl;s always been cheerful and happy, i really dont wish to see her like that. she may be putting up a strong front right now, but thats actually more worrying. one day she's gna run out of strength and crumble. wished i could tell her i'll lend her my shoulder if she needs one to cry on, but i guess i'll probably be crying too if she did. im not strong enough to be her pillar of support.

im not strong enough to be anyone's.